The hours we have spent together exploring this other world, is the life I have now chosen to lead, both in and out of the sanctuary we have created. It has become a way of being that has permeated my every thought and action, and so I have become a slave to what I always knew was inside me but for so many years shied away from.
Your potency is addictive, your fervent nature intoxicating and now, almost against my will, can I only be yours.
As I open the door to you, the unique scent that I have become so familiar with pervades my senses. A combination of fragrances that are exquisite; smoky tobacco infused with exotic incense, sensual amber and just a hint of leather create a velvety perfume that always adds to the seductive qualities of our evenings.
You smile, affirming your pleasure that I have carried out your instructions to the last minutiae and been so very careful to choose the garments and adornments that please you. In return you bring your own offering – in one hand blood red roses, their colour a reminder of what lies ahead, and in the other your personal preference; a freshly cut bamboo cane.
The parameters I set myself are always the same. The solitude I seek a necessary need in order to fully embrace the creative process. I allow myself this private time, away from everyone I hold dear in order to evolve. My senses alter, heightened by the lack of distraction as I feel every cell in my body calm. I still my mind, enabling the emotional balance to gently take hold. At last I am focused.
The subliminal and dormant expressions that are all too often elusive. An emotive journey that unfolds, moment by moment, culminating in indescribable, harmonious bliss.
This is the place I am most free. Neither tethered by thought nor action but simply being. My breath slows, the inhalation barely registering, the exhalation comfortingly rhythmic. The sensation that manifests is so difficult to describe and always fleeting, but leaves me with an undoubting knowledge that I am connected to every single thing. There is no difference between you and I, for you are me and I am you. There are only pure emotions that are beautiful by which I am engulfed.
I cannot determine for how long I am in this moment, but as always occurs I begin to slip away from it, only able to glimpse and feel it momentarily. My senses reawaken as the pull of time returns and as I do, I inhale a scent. So fragrant. So familiar.
Discovering the unknown to form memories that make up the tapestry of my life has been a need that never leaves. Always in the days before I depart I sense the anticipation increasing, the planning of my journey filling me with excitement. I wonder who I may meet as I glimpse into the lives of others, the conversations to be had, the shared, fleeting moments to be experienced, embarking on this solo travel.
Stepping from the plane being bathed in hot sunshine makes my heart sing. Finally after months of imagining this, it has become a reality; I am here. After a year of living a solitarily existence, moving through the crowds and finding my way into the city is exhilarating. The pace and activity feel wonderfully stimulating, as my senses are bombarded with fresh sounds and sights. Everywhere I look there is a different vista to behold.
The hint of aromatics blend with fresh rose, jasmine and mandarin that overwhelm my olfactory sense. I close my eyes and allow the moment to wash over me unable to contain my smile. The elation almost too much, for this is my new home. And I am ready to welcome all that is being offered.
Day after day the seasons provide a sensory experience and I note the almost imperceptible changes as gradually winter transforms to spring. The heightened warmth of the sun encourages the flowers to begin their bloom, as life is teased from its cold sanctuary.
These are the times I cherish, as the sun pricks my skin and the hazy vista stretches out ahead of me, I can drift and daydream. I run my hands through the foliage that adorns the path and pluck a perfectly formed flower so delicate in detail. The dark green leaves and white petals juxtapose creating an elegant offering. Its scent sweet and vibrant, aromatic and fresh that induces an olfactory memory of you that borders on sensual hedonism. You’ve always worn the same fragrance that I recognise no matter how long we are apart. Even its name, Naked Neroli, like you, is suggestively alluring and enticing.
The sun begins its descent on the horizon and the shadows on the ground tell me it’s time to turn back, I wonder how my life would have evolved if I’d lacked the courage to become a true creator. If I had simply let it push and pull me wherever it wanted to. I inhale the cool air and exhale quiet contentment and turning the last corner, see you standing at the door, smiling.